From ‘I Do’ to ‘We Owe’: How Couples Can Conquer Student Loans Together

Navigating student loans on your own is no easy feat. And it can become even more challenging when you're in a committed relationship. Should you pay off your student loans together or jointly? Who's responsible for the debt after you get married? And how can you get on the same page about your financial goals?

While it may be tempting to avoid these conversations, talking about finances is important in a relationship. After all, money can be a major source of stress. Almost three out of four couples who live together say financial decisions cause tension, according to a survey by the American Institute of CPAs.

Talking about your student loans and devising a repayment plan together can reduce stress and build trust. Here are some ways to manage student debt as a couple so it doesn't interfere with your relationship or future plans.

Start with open and honest conversations

Your first step in managing student loans with your partner is talking about them. Set aside time for each of you to discuss your financial situation, including your outstanding debt and monthly payments.

“It really starts with transparency and honesty,” says Robert Farrington, student debt expert and founder of The College Investor. “Once you know the debt and full view of your finances, you can make a plan that you both understand.”

This is especially important if one person has a lot more debt than the other, says couples therapist Jessica Schroeder. Without this open communication, the couple may fall into a pattern of insecurity and conflict.

“Having open, structured, proactive conversations about debt, goals, and responsibilities,” Schroeder says, “can foster teamwork and emotional connection.”

Understand how much each person owes

Before you can come up with a plan for tackling student loans, you need to know the details of what each person owes, including:

• Total balances
• Interest rates
• Type of loans, whether federal or private
• Monthly payments and due dates
• Repayment plans
• Loan servicers

For federal student loans, you can find this information by signing in to your Federal Student Aid account. For private student loans, you can contact your lenders or review your student loan statements. If you're not sure who you owe, look over your accounts on your credit report, which you can access at AnnualCreditReport.com.

“It's key to be organized together,” says Farrington. “Whether using an app, spreadsheet, binder, or other tool, both of you should be aware of what you owe, what you earn, and what you have.”

By understanding where each of you stands, you can move forward together as a team.

Decide whether to tackle debt together or separately

There's no one-size-fits-all solution for paying off student loans as a couple. Some merge their finances completely, while others hold multiple bank accounts or keep everything separate. The key is figuring out what works for you.

“Deciding how to manage these things is highly individualized for each couple,” says Kaitlyn Steel, a licensed marriage and family therapist at Keystone Therapy Group. She's worked with some couples who tackle repayment together and others who don't.

“A benefit of merging finances and tackling debt together can be that it is a joint experience of overcoming difficulty,” says Steel. “That's always a good thing in a long-term, committed relationship.”

On the flip side, Steel notes that there can be benefits to managing your student loan debt solo.

“It's highly empowering for someone to pay off their own debt without help,” she says. “That can increase someone's confidence and feelings of contributing well to the family finances.”

At the end of the day, Steel encourages each person in a relationship to identify and talk about their feelings around money so they can move forward with mutual respect.

Are you legally responsible for your spouse's student loan debt?

When you get married, you don't become legally responsible for any student loans that your spouse took out before the marriage. However, you will be responsible if you cosign a student loan. Plus, you could become liable for student loans your spouse takes out when you're married if you live in a community property state. There are nine community property states: Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin.

Come up with a plan for repayment

There are various approaches to paying off student loans, so come up with a plan that works for both of you. That may mean paying the minimum each month while you balance other financial goals, like saving for retirement or a down payment for a home. Or, you might pay extra on your loans to get out of debt faster.

“I've observed that couples who align on their financial goals often achieve great success in managing student loans,” says Caedmon Meisenheimer, a certified financial planner (CFP) and owner of 310 Wealth Planning. “When [they] share a clear vision and work together, they can create a solid plan to tackle their financial challenges.”

If you have federal loans, review your various repayment plan options, such as standard repayment, graduated repayment, extended repayment, and income-driven repayment.

Even if you're not merging finances, Farrington encourages couples to help each other through this planning phase.

“You should be open and helping each other,” he says. “Maybe not monetarily before marriage, but definitely in managing the loans, tracking expenses and plans, and helping navigate the various repayment plan options. Finances should be a team sport, including student loans.”

How does marriage impact income-driven repayment?

Income-driven repayment plans adjust your monthly student loan payments in accordance with your income and family size. If you get married, your monthly payments could increase, since your payments will be based on a new, higher income if you file taxes together.

If you want your payments based solely on your income, consider filing your taxes separately, rather than jointly. Keep in mind, though, that filing separately could cost you in other ways.

“Choosing 'married filing separately' often increases your tax liability, frequently outweighing any student loan savings, particularly for higher earners,” says Meisenheimer.

Filing separately may also limit your ability to contribute to a Roth IRA, which could impact your retirement savings.

“The key is to look at the numbers — how much more in taxes you'll pay, versus how much less in student loans you'll pay,” says Farrington. “You don't want to save $100 per month in student loans, but find out you increased your tax bill by $2,000.”

If you're considering filing separately, it may help to first do a cost-benefit analysis with a tax professional.

Explore avenues for student loan forgiveness

You may not have to pay back your full balance if you can qualify for loan forgiveness. The Public Service Loan Forgiveness program, for example, will forgive your loans after 10 years of working in public service if you meet certain requirements. Teacher Loan Forgiveness offers up to $17,500 in debt cancellation after teaching for five years at a low-income school or educational service agency. Some states and companies also offer loan repayment assistance to qualifying professionals. Explore your options to see if you could get help chipping away at your student loan debt.

Consider refinancing for a better interest rate

Another loan repayment strategy is student loan refinancing. Refinancing involves exchanging one or more of your loans for a new one that ideally has a better interest rate. You can also choose a new repayment term length, which will adjust your monthly payments.

Refinancing has the potential to save you money, but you'll need decent credit and a stable income to qualify (or a creditworthy cosigner). Refinancing federal loans also has the major downside of forfeiting federal repayment plans, forgiveness programs, and other benefits.

Get transparent about your student loan debt

Student loans can cause stress in a relationship, especially if one person owes a lot more than the other. But by having open, honest conversations, you can get on the same page about your financial obligations and goals. Work together on a repayment plan that supports your shared future. This joint effort will strengthen your partnership and allow you to move forward as a team.